How shame inhibited me from truly connecting and what to do about it

Do you know those flocks of starlings that can beautifully fly together? I saw a very, very small one. Flying over the field and landing intermittently to forage.

Hopping about and suddenly flying up in the air altogether and landing somewhere else on the field.

As I was watching them land again and hopping about to find some food I noticed something very peculiar.

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Diary Revelations – Realizing your negative behavior and the gift it brings.

Photo by Jian Xhin on Unsplash

December 27, 2017

I had the pleasure of talking with my former boyfriend. He came round unannounced. He told me that when he started taking his afternoon walk, intending to go to nature but instead ended up walking to my house.

I’m very glad he did because we got to talk again. We still talk regularly. About what happened during our relationship. What made him end it. What my part was in everything and his part. Sharing our feelings, sadness, and love for each other.

This relationship has brought so much shadow shit to the surface for me. I have to come to terms with the fact that I let my fear and anxiety over jobs, business, and money get the better of me. That fear and anxiety ruled my emotions at the expense of our relationship. That my shadow shit ruled what I found important in my head while ignoring the callings of my heart.

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There are no bad things. Unless you decide so.

Photo by Erika Lanpher on Unsplash

Every negative experience has something equally beautiful inside it. Whether that might be learning to forgive, surrender, or trust. If we pay attention to that equally beautiful seed inside, that negative experience can turn into a different one. Maybe one of less negativity and maybe even a beautiful experience.

I’ve turned my being fired into becoming an entrepreneur, becoming a single mom into becoming independent, having 2 emotional breakdowns into more self-knowledge and spiritual awakening.

But what exactly is a “negative” experience and is a certain experience negative in itself?

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Diary Revelations – You are already Loved

Photo by Jian Xhin on Unsplash

Monday

I’m very tired of the past 2 weeks. I’ve been identified with my circumstances and believing in lack. Because of that, I started taking actions not based on trust. I believed in lack of money, lack of resources and lack of capabilities. From that belief, I started to take actions on the physical level. I started to look for a job I don’t want to do.

The actions in themselves aren’t wrong. Taking them from a belief of lack of trust and capabilities is. Wrong in the sense that it’s out of alignment and therefore feels wrong (as negative emotions are a signal from your True Self you’re out of alignment)

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Tips and Tricks – The reason why it’s not your thoughts that make you feel bad.

Photo by Michał Parzuchowski on Unsplash

I used to have lots of negative thoughts. Ranging from “Why me”, “I’m such a horrible person”, “I’m so stupid”, to “I will never make it”, I will never live my dream”.

Sounds familiar?

It’s a lot less now than it was before but I still have these thoughts. But now I know it’s not my thoughts that make me feel bad. It’s not what I think that makes me feel bad.

So what is it?

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