Category: Diary Revelations

Diary Revelations – Realizing your negative behavior and the gift it brings.

Photo by Jian Xhin on Unsplash

December 27, 2017

I had the pleasure of talking with my former boyfriend. He came round unannounced. He told me that when he started taking his afternoon walk, intending to go to nature but instead ended up walking to my house.

I’m very glad he did because we got to talk again. We still talk regularly. About what happened during our relationship. What made him end it. What my part was in everything and his part. Sharing our feelings, sadness, and love for each other.

This relationship has brought so much shadow shit to the surface for me. I have to come to terms with the fact that I let my fear and anxiety over jobs, business, and money get the better of me. That fear and anxiety ruled my emotions at the expense of our relationship. That my shadow shit ruled what I found important in my head while ignoring the callings of my heart.

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Diary Revelations – You are already Loved

Photo by Jian Xhin on Unsplash

Monday

I’m very tired of the past 2 weeks. I’ve been identified with my circumstances and believing in lack. Because of that, I started taking actions not based on trust. I believed in lack of money, lack of resources and lack of capabilities. From that belief, I started to take actions on the physical level. I started to look for a job I don’t want to do.

The actions in themselves aren’t wrong. Taking them from a belief of lack of trust and capabilities is. Wrong in the sense that it’s out of alignment and therefore feels wrong (as negative emotions are a signal from your True Self you’re out of alignment)

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Diary Revelations – The cold hard truth of inner beliefs.

 

Photo by Jian Xhin on Unsplash

Monday

I do believe we all have certain themes to play out in this world. We also have the capacity to create our own world. So our world is a reflection of who we are on the inside.

My business not being financially sustainable yet, trying to make ends meet on the one hand, while on the other hand being in a fortunate situation with low monthly costs and being able to do what I love (spending lots of time outdoors with my dogs and my pony and working on my business and creating content) I’m on a threshold of changing within and changing without.

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Diary Revelations – Emotional shifts and what to do.

Photo by Jian Xhin on Unsplash

Monday

Choices. I’m faced with making choices I find hard to make. Choices between old patterns and doing what’s best for me. I find this especially hard because it involves another being. My dog, Lola. A difficult dog who I, in the past 5 years, have trained well but still has her issues. And some severe issues as well.

Walking her becomes too stressful for me. I keep going but it’s not in my best interest. And what’s in Lola’s best interest? Amongst all the dogs with behavioral issues looking for another home, is it possible for me to find her a good home? Do I want to? Is it best for her? And what about me?

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Diary Revelations – It’s all about Vibration

Photo by Jian Xhin on Unsplash

Monday

I got up and I knew I had a lot on my plate today. And even though my day would be busy, I wanted to have the feeling of spaciousness, of having enough time.

I ended up having way more time for work than anticipated and having less to do as well. Despite that I still notice my Time-is-Limited-Belief acting up through thoughts like: “tomorrow will be different”(well, duuuhhhh), “this day was a lucky day”.

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