I hate this. I truly hate this. Moving money from my savings account to my regular one AGAIN to pay the groceries. I feel so bad about myself for doing this. Why can’t I just earn enough money like everybody else? Why is it such a darn struggle for me?

It’s never about the Money. But about what is it then?

For as long as I can remember since I’ve moved out of my parent’s house, I have the following thoughts and experiences:

  • I have to take it easy or else I won’t have enough money left for groceries.
  • I wish I could buy some new clothes.
  • I don’t have/earn as much as my friends do.
  • I want to go out and have fun but I can’t because I have no money.
  • I have money now and it’s flowing but when will it stop?
  • I’m embarrassed that I always seem to have so little money.
  • There you go, my money is gone again because I don’t earn enough to support myself.

When I think about money I feel my mind and body contracting as it’s so very much associated with lack to me.  I feel scared because money can flow in my life and just as easily flow out of it again. I feel insecure because I don’t feel that I’m capable of earning my own money on a regular basis. I can earn money at one time, and at other times I’m without income and my money is gone. I feel too unreliable to create a steady flow of income. That makes me feel scared and insecure.

I haven’t got a good relationship with money.

But it’s not about the money. It never is.

Money is the physical equivalent of a belief within yourself.

Money is the lack of manifestation of something in my inner world.

Let me explain.

Your life is your reflection of your inner world. If you show me your life, I can tell you who you are. If you show me your life, I can tell you what beliefs you have about yourself and the world.

Today I’m going to share with you one thing in my life – a huge thing – that is a reflection of a belief I have. For me, this is big as I’ve been working on this for years. Not being able to uncover the blanket of cover up (If you want to learn more about the blanket of cover up please check out my workbook).

And I wonder…

What is it that makes me keep experiencing this lack of money?

If you want to earn money in a way that’s compatible with who you are you need a plan. A plan to how to do that and the necessary actions for you to take.

I’ve always found jobs before the crash of 2008. It was never a problem. But I never had a plan. The plan was just to “find a new job”. I never thought about what job I wanted and why. How that job would fit into my bigger picture of my life (which I hadn’t), what I could learn from and contribute to that job.

If you don’t know how to come up with such a plan, you go to a mentor or teacher.

I listened to Tony Robbins’ teachings, I read “Rich dad, poor dad”, I read “, I posted reminders throughout my house, I wrote how much money I wanted to earn and by when. But still, I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t visualize consistently what I wanted to achieve.

I saw the reminders every day but I didn’t take the necessary steps to get there.

When you have a plan and a mentor, next you take consistent action.

I did have plans though and I took action. I started my own business. I started to learn how to trade the forex market. I took action. And big time too. I woke up early in the morning to listen to the course by Tony Robbins. I was committed.

But it always ended up in a bad way.

I would quit what I started. Something (bad) would happen in my life that distracted me of my goals.

Although I have proven skills like;

  • Dedication and commitment;
  • Following through;
  • Devising a plan;
  • Being original;
  • Daring to try something new,

I could never put those skills into the right actions regarding this. Why is that?

If you look at the surface of my story you could think that I needed to learn:

  • How to make a plan; and
  • Stick to the plan.

But in other areas of my life, I’ve shown that I’m very capable of doing that. So why not with money?

Whenever I would devise a plan and follow through I failed to look within. To step back and take a moment to really feel what it is I wanted and needed.

The only thing on my mind was earning money so I could finally start doing the things I wanted to do.

I wanted to be free to do what made my heart happy. I wanted to be able to do the things that I enjoy instead of doing the things that I needed to do or thought I should do.

I wanted to earn money so I could do that.

I thought that money was my gateway to happiness. That I felt miserable because of my lack of money. That if I would just earn money, I could to the things that make me happy and I would be happy.

Whatever is in your manifested world is a reflection of your inner world.

I felt miserable on the inside. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel good about myself. I didn’t think I was worthy or capable.

And as long as I felt like that from within, would I manifest that in my outer world.

Thoughts and feelings have a certain vibration to them and they attract the same kinds of vibration in the manifested world.

So I could undertake all the actions that I wanted, but I still felt like shit within and I would still send out those negative vibrations and I would battle those feelings every day without addressing them, as I thought that money was my gateway out of those feelings.

So while I was doing the necessary actions, I was self-sabotaging from within by feeling worthless, insecure and incapable and not addressing those issues. Resulting in me starting something good and starting to experience the abundance and then either stopping or experiencing something bad that would distract me.

I stopped because my outer world didn’t match my inner world. BecauseI felt so bad about myself from within, I would self-sabotage whatever I started to set up in my outer world, that wasn’t compatible with how I felt. Same goes for the bad things that happened. That was compatible with how I felt so I gave all my attention to those situations and experiences. Thereby enhancing their presence in my life.

By now I’ve learned that everything I want to experience is within my self.

Happiness.

Abundance.

Those 2 feelings I was so frantically searching for by wanting to earn money, were always within reach. Were always within myself.

All those years of lack of money has taught me the following:

  • Money flows where energy goes. Money takes on the same energetic vibration as the association you make with money. So if you have the following association “Money makes me feel good”, then money takes on the same vibration as “feeling good”. And if you feel bad within, you have a different energetic vibration than money, and money doesn’t flow. Look within as to what association you make with money and work on that so you can let the flow of abundance into your life.
  • Whatever the association you made with money, money will never give you those feelings. Every feeling there is in the world is already within you. Happiness, sadness, anger, love, resentment, frustration, compassion….you’ve got all those feelings already within you, independant of the situation you’re in. So whatever your situation is, you can always access those feelings whenever you want to. That’s especially necessary when you want to attract something different in your life. If you keep feeling the same thing, you will keep attracting the same thing. If you want to attract something different, you need to feel different first.

Whatever your situation. Whatever your association, turning within is always the answer and never turning without and wanting to change something in your situation.

If you want to have more insights into learning what your life can teach you and how you can work with your limiting associations, you can subscribe to my weekly e-mails where I share more nuggets of experience and wisdom.

Love,

Carmen