Photo by Erika Lanpher on Unsplash

Every negative experience has something equally beautiful inside it. Whether that might be learning to forgive, surrender, or trust. If we pay attention to that equally beautiful seed inside, that negative experience can turn into a different one. Maybe one of less negativity and maybe even a beautiful experience.

I’ve turned my being fired into becoming an entrepreneur, becoming a single mom into becoming independent, having 2 emotional breakdowns into more self-knowledge and spiritual awakening.

But what exactly is a “negative” experience and is a certain experience negative in itself?

I love horseback riding as well as dancing salsa. But you might be afraid of horses and may have 2 left feet (which is fine by the way 😉 ). I love to hike with my dogs, and you may love to go to the gym. All these concepts (horseback riding, dancing salsa, hiking, dogs and the gym), they just are.

They are there whether I or you like/love them or not. The horses will still be breathing, the salsa music will be playing, dogs will be walked and people go (or don’t go) to the gym.

I like some of these concepts and you don’t. I don’t like some of these concepts and you do. If I like some things, I enjoy doing them. Same goes for you. If you don’t like them, you don’t enjoy doing them. So what we believe about those concepts determines how we experience them.

Those concepts (horseback riding, going to the gym, etc) don’t determine how I or you experience them. We do, by giving them meaning. So meaning is optional and those concepts are neutral in themselves. They don’t determine how someone experiences them, we do.

So, me being fired, becoming a single mom, having 2 emotional breakdowns are just experiences. They didn’t determine how I felt about them. I did. By giving my meaning to these experiences. At the time I felt very bad about going through those experiences so the meaning I gave them was negative.

But because of these experiences, I took certain action steps (became an entrepreneur, became independent, became more spiritual and learned even more about personal development). These action steps made me feel good about myself and I started to look at the initial experiences (being fired, etc) as good ones.

Because, if I hadn’t gone through those initial experiences I wouldn’t be where I am today. But still, those initial experiences were neutral in themselves. I gave them meaning and I changed their meaning by changing how I believed about those experiences.

But I didn’t change my beliefs about those initial experiences AFTER I felt good about myself.

So, what if you could go through all sorts of experiences and not be subjected to your own negative meaning given to those experiences?

Every situation or circumstance is neutral in itself. It doesn’t determine your experience of it. That is totally up to you and on your definition of that situation or circumstance. To realize this, to really feel the truth of this is very empowering as well as liberating.

Even situations like losing your job, having no money, being betrayed by a loved one, are all neutral in themselves. If you realize this, you will see that your negative experience isn’t necessary, it is optional. You can choose how to define your situation.

Knowing within and realizing that your experience isn’t dependent on the situation but on your belief about it, helps you step into your power more. You may feel scared, angry, or upset but these emotions as well are just there and are up to you to define.

You can just let them be and define your meaning about those emotions. That too is up to you.

So instead of letting circumstances and situations define you, step into you power and inner wisdom that YOU define your experience of any circumstance or situation.

So when I was being fired, became a single mom and had my 2 mental breakdowns, at THOSE moments I already had the option of defining my OWN experience. I didn’t have to wait until I decided to take steps that made me feel better about myself.

I could have felt good about myself at THOSE moments by defining, by choosing my own belief about those circumstances and experiences. By choosing my own experience instead of automatically choosing a negative one because that’s the majority consensus of those situations.

I chose to feel bad about those experiences because that’s what most of us do. And when we learn something beautiful through a negative situation or circumstance, we see that initial negative situation or circumstance as a good thing.

That only shows the neutrality of those situations and circumstances. And it also shows how meaning is still dependent on a certain consequence. And I would like to invite you to change your meaning despite a possible consequence.

Choose your definition of any “negative” situation, chose a belief that makes you feel empowered instead of victimized. Realize that every situation is neutral in itself and that you define your experience of it.

Don’t wait for something good to come out of a “negative” experience before seeing it as a positive one. Shape your meaning of your experiences in such a way it benefits you NOW. It’s up to you to define your situations and your experiences. So make them so you feel empowered instead of victimized.

You may not be able to change your situations (yet) but you can change your meaning about them.

Love,

Carmen

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