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How to be okay with not feeling okay.

Picture by me on my morning walk.

The past few weeks have been tough on me. I had a lot on my plate. Too much actually. I had too little time to recuperate and too little time to myself. In the beginning, it was okay but after a week or so I could feel the change happening. I started going from feeling and being okay to feeling and being not okay.

I felt it in my body. Tiredness setting in. When I got up, my eyes felt heavy, my mind still busy with my dreams, getting up earlier than I feel was good for me at that time.

I sensed it in my behavior. Reverting back to the essentials that needed to be done. Doing the basics and no more.

I observed it in the discrepancy between my desires and capabilities at this time. I desire to do more than I can. I desire to go to that class with friends. I desire to make that healthy meal. I desire to do my yoga practice.

But all I can is lie on the couch and watch Netflix in my spare time (Netflix is not a necessity though, but a choice 😉 )

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Becoming the witness…

Photo by Jason Blackeye on Unsplash

Last week, I wrote about how I was a witness of my voice in my head in action

That voice in my head is always in action but more and more I become the observer of that voice. Listening to all the stories and by being in the Seat of the Soul instead of listening to that voice I can laugh about the silliness of my voice.

I can still remember and feel what it’s like to believe that voice, to be that voice. Now I can observe that voice and the effects of me believing that voice in my body.

The more I am the witness, the more I make myself comfortable in the Seat of the Soul, the more I can laugh about the absurdness of my voice in my head.

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The rediculousness of our voice in our head…..

Picture by me – handmade mandala

I’m in this beautiful environment, surrounded by lovely people, doing what I love to do…..and I experience the strength of my conditioned and limiting beliefs.

It’s like a veil or filter coloring my experience. An experience so easy to label as fun, amazing and wonderful.

Yet, these beliefs are forming words through that voice in my head that’s warning me for all kinds of perceived threats of loss and lack.

Because of those words, my emotions kick in. On the surface, it might seem as if these emotions match the voice in my head but on the contrary.

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How your thoughts are just like nettle….

Photo by Paul M on Unsplash

A long, long time ago there was a family. This family lost their mom and wife. The children,1 sister and 7 brothers welcomed their stepmother. But their stepmother was jealous of their fortune and abundance and put a spell on them. The children were sent from home and the boys all turned into swans.

The girl learned from an old wise woman that the only way to free her brothers was to make shirts for them from nettle all the while keeping silent.

So she did. She wasn’t allowed to wear gloves and the nettle burned her skin. But she kept going. This was in a day where women were seen as witches when being different. And the village became suspicious of this young woman plucking nettle and making shirts out of them. She didn’t answer their questions as to why she was doing this.

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When people project their shit on you

Photo by Suresh Kumar on Unsplash

The other day I had 2 people I interact with on a somewhat regular basis express their dissatisfaction with me. One of them did so pretty aggressively saying something like “wipe that smile off your face” (I smile a lot) and “it has to be your way or the highway”.

Now, we all have our (limiting) beliefs and views of our world and we differ in the extent of believing our (limiting) beliefs.

When we (strongly) believe certain beliefs we act from those beliefs.

It can happen that we meet people, interact with them, become friends, become lovers and they interact with us from those beliefs. This means that their view of you is (strongly) colored by their beliefs.

Those beliefs may entail certain ways of doing things, values, what’s allowed and what’s not. Because of those beliefs they might want you to act in a certain way, or be a certain way.

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