I see it a lot around me. Friends and clients who go about their lives being guided by beliefs they have about themselves and the world. Those beliefs shape their desires, their choices and their life. And when they struggle with something – their relationship, their job, motherhood, or other things – they try to fix that on a level different than where the problem arises.
And this is because they don’t see the true core belief with which they’re creating their lives. They call in the help of coaches, experts, friends and they all help in the best way they can. But many of them lose themselves in the illusion of superficial day-to-day associations. Meaning that the beliefs with which my friends and clients shape their lives are too unconscious to easily uncover. You have to see through the illusion of (non-verbal) behavior, associations, words, and actions and look beyond to what’s underneath.
A personal story on making the same mistake over and over again.
And as I like to use my own experience in highlighting processes and insights I will use my own experience of setting up 4 businesses and failing at all 4 of them to illustrate my point.
The businesses I started were:
- A coaching business at home
- An online coaching business
- Trading the forex market
- A Virtual Assistant Business.
The reasons I quit were:
- I wanted to attract different clients. I didn’t know how to go about it. it was exhausting to me next to being a single mom and working a 9 to 5.
- I tried to set this up while I was on welfare. I had 6 months to do this. I couldn’t find enough clients to earn a living with it so I had to quit and I didn’t try to keep going at it in a different way.
- This is a whole story in itself that you can read about it in my free workbook.
- Again I was on welfare and I could work as a Virtual Assistant on a freelance basis. So I did. After a year my client didn’t want to have his business anymore and he quit. I didn’t have any other clients and this is not my calling so I quit this business as well.
When you look at these points there are 2 layers of dynamics. The superficial layer and the unconscious layer.
The superficial layer
The superficial layer can be identified when you know a little bit about my background. If you know those things about me you could think that I was insecure, scared and I needed to step up my game and stick with my decision of setting up a business.
I needed to work on a plan, educate myself and maybe take an accountability partner.
And although these are all valid points and I tried to work on these points, every time I self-sabotaged by quitting. Because underlying my actions and feelings was a core belief that shaped my world.
So that brings us to the second layer.
The unconscious layer
This is the part out of which the superficial layers come from. In the unconscious lie your beliefs that are either empowering or lacking. They either make you feel open and trusting or contracted and small. These beliefs shape your superficial layer. And most of us try to find the solution in the superficial layer, while the problem lies in a lack belief in the unconscious layer.
In my case, this would be the belief that “I’m not good enough” and “I will never make it being me”.
Every time I set up a business to start doing what I love, this belief would get triggered and I would feel scared. If you would try to solve this feeling scared on the superficial level – learning to trust, breath exercises, just keep going – the belief would still be there and would still be active. Even though it’s dormant. But something – a problem – would arise and the lack belief would get triggered and the fear part would come up again.
So instead of dealing with a problem on the superficial part, it’s crucial to dive deeper and see what’s under the surface.
What happened with the 4 business?
My desire to do my own thing is very strong. But my unconscious limiting beliefs as well. So I would set up business after business but being unconscious as well as not willing to address the underlying belief, I would end up “failing” at every attempt.
In my case my unconscious beliefs “I’m not good enough” and “I will never make it being me” would drag me back into the world I knew of not doing what I love. Not being able to change my paradigm.
Not until I started to address the underlying core belief did things start to change.
I’ve set up my 5th business now. And I do encounter problems. But the fear that was being triggered every time is not as strong anymore because I’m addressing the underlying beliefs of “not being good enough” and “not being able to make it on my own”. I do the action step necessary on the superficial level as well as work on my limiting belief on the unconscious level (which isn’t unconscious anymore).
Final words and Free one-on-one
So when you keep encountering same situations or same experiences and you really try your best to change them but it’s not working, try to look at that situation or experience from these two levels. Dive deep within to see what’s your unconscious belief that’s sabotaging your attempts on the superficial layer.
If you need help, reach out to me for a free one-hour coaching call to uncover a dormant limiting belief of yours (only in the month of July in 2017). Subscribe below (you’ll get a free workbook about transforming your fears) and send me an e-mail with in the subject line “Free One-On-One Yes Please”.