Do you know those flocks of starlings that can beautifully fly together? I saw a very, very small one. Flying over the field and landing intermittently to forage.

Hopping about and suddenly flying up in the air altogether and landing somewhere else on the field.

As I was watching them land again and hopping about to find some food I noticed something very peculiar.

Those little starlings were hopping away from each other while forming a beautiful circle. As the landed as a group, they started to go their own way to search for food. But they didn’t just go anywhere, they all hopped away from the group and formed a circle.

As the circle became (I guess) too big, one half flew up to join the other half of the circle.

This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen so far. Primarily because it confirmed to me the idea that has been forming in my mind.

Family, friends, a community is so very important. I’ve always had an attitude of doing everything all alone. Keeping a brave face while feeling otherwise, and showing a stronger me than I felt inside.

I never had trouble asking for or receiving help, but really showing my insecurities, doubts, and fears are things I’m really doing just recently.

I always led people to believe (or so I hoped) that I’m stronger, more intelligent, more capable, more intentional than I truly felt.

This way keeping people at bay and never really building a little community of my own with family and friends.

This beautiful little flock of starlings, flying together, foraging together in a beautiful circle and flying back to each other when the circle got too big, made me truly realize you do need people around you.

Not just physically but emotionally. People around you to connect with. Be that your neighbor, your one friend, your dog or more people, but truly connecting to those around you.

By feeling and being in a little community (friends, family, tribe) you feel accepted, loved, supported and those feelings make your stronger and more empowered.

But there’s still shame around being who I truly am preventing me from truly connecting with other people.

The fear of being judged, taken advantage of or ridiculed is still very strong. The belief that I can be a bad person for feeling certain feelings is a strange experience. Adopting that belief and holding it as true only inhibits myself.

Shame is a powerful tool to keep one small. Shame is used in our society, in our family and between our friends. So feeling ashamed of oneself isn’t so strange when we are all silently indoctrinated with that emotion.

Dealing with and healing from shame is one of the most profound ways to become more whole and more of our true self.

“The less we talk about shame, the more power it has over our lives,” Dr. Brown from her book Daring Greatly.

So if you feel shame about yourself and you feel inhibited from truly connecting with others, think about doing the following:

  • Bring Shame into the Light.
    You don’t need to share with other people. The most important one to share it with is yourself. By acknowledging your shame, feeling the pain and bringing the shame into your own awareness, is the first step of healing the shame.
  • Become aware of your emotions.
    Shame goes hand in hand with other emotions as fear, frustration or anger. All those feelings can make it harder to sit with the shame. So disentangle what you’re feeling, give space to every one of those feelings.

When you can be more open, loving and supportive towards yourself and your shame it will become easier to truly open up to other people.

As a flock of people accepting you, supporting you, helping you, and protecting you is so important for your emotional and spiritual well-being.

Mostly because when you have those people around you, that means you’ve accepted, supported, helped, and protected yourself (or are in the process of that).

Being who I truly am, being who you truly are, is the way to gather a flock of other beautiful starlings around you. So I and you too can fly and forage like we are meant to.

Life isn’t meant to go about alone. It’s meant to be who you truly are. Showing your strengths and weaknesses to the people around you so you can complement each other with your own unique strengths and weaknesses.

This little flock of starlings made me realize a beautiful thing.

Love,

Carmen

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